Columbiana
(2011) directed by Olivier Megaton and starring Zoe Saldana, Cliff Curtis & Michael Vartan
"I want to be a killer," says the nine year old child sitting at the table eating breakfast, "can you help me?" "Sure," says her uncle. A few minutes later he's registered her for public school, she protests saying that the school can't teach her what she wants to know. In response her uncle pulls out a very shiny silver handgun and opens fire on a car coming down the street. As sirens are heard in the distance he tells her that it's not as simple as pulling a trigger, that she must first learn about life and then forces her to chose between the gun and her backpack. She chooses the backpack and they stroll away as police cars roar up on the accident behind them. Sure, that all makes perfect sense...
The action sequences are really well choreographed - the opening chase scene through the streets of Bogota will make your heart race - but they're not good enough to make up for the horrible script, and I do mean horrible, as in pure crap. I can almost say that there's not one original bone in this film's body, but I've never seen a toothbrush used as a weapon. Other than that, it's just one ridiculous cliche after another. The direction is as bad as, if not worse than, the script. Put them together in a scene that's just dialogue and it's excruciating to watch.
Unfortunate for the film is that its highlight is the song playing over the closing credits - "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Unfortunate for the song is that it's associated with this film.
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